I have been evasive about documenting certain experiences I went through over the years. And recently, my un-documented memories are increasing in number, waiting to be inked.  Writing had a way of concretizing experiences, of giving them a life of their own even when its essence, if not absurdity, may have started to dissipate the moment “the moment” was over.

Writing had a way of compounding the meaning of my experiences — of extracting all the life and essence they can possibly hold. But the vibrancy of their meaning stubbornly clung at the core of my being even when it was no longer parallel with reality. It became utterly difficult to approximate reality with all the meanings I tend to infuse into my experiences and circumstances.

The dear-diary persona in me has never died but in the course of the years that my spirit had been assaulted with realities of growing up and adulthood, I struggled to temper (and sometimes annihilate) the perpetual documenter within me.

During elementary and high school days, whenever I document my experiences, I would deepen it with truths and beliefs I hold dearly in my heart – it made my reality magnificent and colorful. But as I moved on to college and then to adulthood, many of the truths and beliefs I held on to have been challenged. Some have crumbled. Some have remained but no longer practiced. And there have been several blows of life that made believing and holding on more painful. It was easier to fall into the abyss of disenchantment than to continue holding on to meanings, truths and beliefs.

But these very things are what make writing about our experiences essential no matter how fleeting they are and even when we suspect they would become tragically absurd in the future. Keeping a diary encapsulates the meaning of the mosaic moments of our lives, records the evolution of our character, and renders a virtual form of permanence to all these fleeting-ness we grapple with everyday.

It was never a futile endeavor trying to give some permanence to those memories I knew would somehow dissipate or evolve. And perhaps, it’s time I renew my bond with my dear-diary persona.

 

 

 

ⓔⓐⓣⓘⓝⓖ ⓗⓔⓐⓛⓣⓗⓨ Ѽ

10 June 20 11

Independence Day Exhibit

Mall of Asia

Cute figurines of postmen being sold at the Philippine Postal booth at Php100 each. The postal office will soon become obsolete so they are selling these memorabilia. We, the “social network” generation, needs to be reminded of the once glorious days of telegrams and enveloped letters.

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‎(31 March – 2 April 2011)

Going to Negros made me realize once more how blessed I am to have the kind of job that I have. My work in DSWD provides me the privilege and opportunity to take active part in social change, be involved in community activities, interact with locals, learn about diverse cultures, set foot in different places, commune with nature and take a break from the chaos of the metropolis. Before I ramble about how I truly appreciate my job, allow me the privilege of describing the key features of Negros.

Dumaguete City – a city with bakeries in every corner. The cakes and pastries are incredibly cheap. During my solitary walk, I had Iced Café Latte and Mocha Crunch at Sans Rival Cakes & Pastries (yes, that is the name of the café) and my bill was only P71.00. Awesome! Silliman University, a protestant school, occupies a large expanse of the town proper. It was founded in 1901. Two years later, St. Paul University, a catholic university, was established. According to my colleague, Sir Adidas, the Catholic Church fear that the Protestants would dominate the city so they built St. Paul University.

Suman – this kakanin is made unique by chocolate that is either swirled around it or filling its center. It’s sweet and indulgent but the chocolate swirl/filling means that it has twice the calorie content of ordinary suman. A dozen bundle (1 bundle = 4pieces) costs P140.00 at the Tayasan public square.

La Limar Resort (La Libertad, Negros Or.) – the resort boasts of an infinity pool that seemingly extends to the beach. It has several huts and cottages that are widely separated to allow for greater solace. La Limar was the venue of our campaign for 100% compliance wherein LGU officials and parent leaders from Tayasan actively participated. While everyone was busy taking a bath in their respective bathrooms, I dipped in the pool. It was around seven in the morning and the water was icy cold. Thanks to ate Ai who willingly photographed my frolic moments.

Brgy. Fatima, Sta. Catalina –we dropped by this quiet town to visit Sir Adidas’ 87 year-old mother. We were welcomed with lechon, dinuguan, adobong manok, pansit, biko, star apple and saba. Alluding from a biblical parable, I teased Sir Adidas that he’s being welcomed like the prodigal son. He said his mother never fails to welcome him with fiesta-worthy dishes whenever he comes home. Thank you mother, ate Ludy, and the rest of the interesting characters of the Canete household for the warm welcome and the totally-Filipino gastronomic experience.

Orient Gifts and Handumanan – the shops where you could buy the region’s products for pasalubong to love ones and friends. Orient Gifts is more artsy since the shop includes an art gallery. Their products are made by local artists and they come in limited designs which mean they are more expensive. I purchased a dainty hat made from abaca which costs P250.00. Handumanan sells a wider variety of products at a more affordable price. The price range of earrings made from seashells and wood are P15.00-P20.00 only. I hoarded earrings in preparation for the numerous summer vacations I am planning.

Bisoy – n. bisayang tisoy. I was thinking of Gerald Anderson when I first heard this term but the bisoys I saw were mostly middle age to retirees. The mestizos own most of the bakeshops, restos and bars in Dumaguete City. And I supposed they also own many of the resorts outside Dumaguete. It’s not an unusual scenario. As we all know, many foreigners who flock in the Philippines are the ones who are able to put up thriving businesses and become the employers/bosses because they have capital. Ms. Pam said that Dumaguete is one of the cities with high number of victims of pedophiles. It cannot be denied that the ubiquitous presence of foreigners is a major contributor/factor to this problem.

It was my first time to really set foot in Katipunan. I only pass by it whenever I go to Antipolo to spend weekend with cousins. Much thanks to Alexandra for taking me there.

I was swooned by the homey, countryside feel of Banapple’s ambiance. The pastel frames mounted on its walls tugged at my childhood/teenage adoration for candy colors. The figurines and kitchen displays arranged neatly in the shelves reminded me of my intermittent longing for county setting and domestic bliss. The meal was heavy and the banoffee pie was heavenly. I have found another solitary sanctuary in the metropolis.

Our conversation from Banapple to Cubao Ex revolved primarily on adulthood, recurring melancholy, solitude and independence, growing old alone vs marriage, and the many intricate adult issues we’re dealing with. Alex shared this link [http://www.cracked.com/blog/5-things-they-never-told-us/ ] to me over twitter with the accompanying message “our conversation tonight in bullet points”. Indeed, it pretty much encapsulates, in a matter-of-fact way, many of the things we discussed that earth hour night.

26 March 2011; Saturday

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I travelled to Calapan City and Naujan, Oriental Mindoro last week to conduct focus group discussion with the beneficiaries of Pantawid Pamilya. A pretty and posh mother of three, Monitoring & Evaluation Officer Ma. Liselle O. Tabelisma, was my partner from the IV-B Regional Office.

As you can see, I was wearing a nifty skirt and red velvet shoes. Forgive me for being in style in a very simple setting but it was a delight when my peasant skirt modestly swayed in the breezy and idyllic scenery in the community.

It was my first time to ride in a Roro. The sea was turbulent on our way to Calapan and was placid and calm when we were leaving the place.  It was rainy and gloomy the entire time we were there – like Baguio on a summer. The weather was perfect for rumination and sentimental moorings except that there were data I had to analyze & summarize and reports I had to prepare.

The locals were genuinely hospitable – they gave us fruits and kakanin as “pabaon”. They served us typical Filipino food and some of their local specialties such as beef bulalo and my favorite milky and creamy kalamay. Thanks to Social Welfare Officer Nova dela Roca and her husband for welcoming us in their lovely home, which is located in the middle of a pristine farm. We also stayed for one night at Bahay Tuklasan located in the plaza of Naujan municipality. Naujan was evidently a first class municipality with its park landscape, modern facilities, and beautifully-restored old buildings in the plaza.

With me in the photo are the wonderful beneficiaries of Brgy. Andres Ylagan, hardworking municipal links, the dedicated social welfare officer, and the regional M & E officer.

***

FGD with Beneficiaries on Beneficiary Guide Booklet

Naujan, Oriental Mindoro

February 2-4, 2011

Because some people miss the point in the cartoon campaign to stop violence against children, here’s what I have to say. I feel strongly about this campaign so I’d like to give a short piece to critics, especially those who criticize without actually doing a bit in helping out prevent child abuse:

We all have our own methods but I believe that the goal of the campaign is to flood fb with childhood memories in order to reconnect with the inner child in each of us. That way, we can empathize and truly feel the essence of the campaign.

When it comes to advocacy methods one has to come up with something that has the potential to become viral, something that everyone can truly relate with minus the technicalities and pedantic jargons. And that is what this campaign has achieved.

‎"If you look the right way, you can see that the whole world is a garden." -- Mary Lennox in the Secret Garden

To educate people, you must win their interest first. The campaign became more interesting because of this method. Most of the time, it is the method that will truly spark awareness. Like the method of Carlos Celdran in using Damaso in his population management campaign. Once you got the interest of majority, then they will take the initiative to be truly educated about the campaign and eventually support it in a tangible way.

Also, offenders will be more hesitant in committing such offense because everyone is aware and as a result, everyone becomes watchful of the existence of child abuse.

To those who repetitively say that donating money is better than changing profile pictures are those kind of people who think that money can do everything. Even if we channel all the lotto jackpot to this endeavor, money or funds alone cannot and will not not stop an offender from abusing a child.

Awareness goes a long way. Resolution of a problem starts at being aware about it. The growing fad in the internet required no funds but it will create an awareness that may lead to tangible results. The “invasion of memories” that the campaign ignited also makes people become emotionally attached to this endeavor, thereby making them have a personal stake at it. It’s not just plain fad. This is the kind of fad that deserves to be a fad. And a campaign is successful if it reaches the fad status. At the end of the day, it is the children that will be given greater attention and protection because of this fad. Us, adults and young adults, are happy too, for the chance to relive our childhood through this campaign.

Dear Universe,

This is the first Christmas wish list I am making as an adult. Please allow me to indulge. I am doing this for the sheer excitement I derive in putting into words my desires, material and otherwise. If it will bring about pragmatic results, then hooray to this season which legitimizes mutual mendicancy of different forms and class.

I am writing all twenty-five of them because this is my silver christmas in this planet, obviously. They are in random order. No hierarchy of desires here. If you want, you can start at the bottom.

1. Carmen Guerrero-Nakpil Trilogy

a. Myself, Elsewhere

b. Legends and Adventures

c. Exeunt

–Because the trilogy is highly-recommended by my brilliant soul sister, MC. I dig what she recommends. Also, I want to be immersed more with Philippine Literature.

2. Kerima Polotan books

a.Hand of the Enemy

b.The True and the Plain

–Same reason as number 1.

3. Noli Me Tangere translated by Ma. Soledad Lacson-Locsin

– because I heart Rizal. May I also plug that “Isang Panaginip na Fili” is running in UPD from Nov. 24- Dec. 12. People, let us be immersed in our own culture before patronizing all that western stuff showing in the malls.

4. Pillows

– because I want to tumble and/or collapse in fluffy, huge pillows after a long day’s work and play.

5. Book ends

–because I have about ten  books in my bedside which I read,  re-read and date every night, depending on my mood. They need a pair of book ends to keep them in place.

6. Flowy, chiffon, knee-length skirts or dresses (at talagang pluralized, haha)

– I only wear jeans when going on lengthy bus travels. You almost never see me in jeans. Cotton dresses and flowy skirts are my default daily wear. Perhaps, I am too girly like that.

7. Dainty blouses

– I want my blouses dainty, with floral designs/details, a bit of laces too, and evocative of peasantry and county living. I also like mexican-inspired blouses,they are sultry & sensual.

8. Desk organizer (or any organizers for that matter)

– the law of ENTROPY is the one concept in Physics etched in me. Simply put, it means “all things lead to disorder”. Therefore, any kind of organizer can serve as indispensable gift.

9. Organizer/planner

–same  reason as number 8.  Also, please do not give me Starbucks planner, I detest it. I dread all forms of planner that lure customers to buying more of their products in exchange for a lousy planner. I want organizers with nifty designs and details evocative of travels, memories, letters, and culture.

10. Wallet

– Yes, I do not have a wallet. I put my cash in a business card case because it occupies less space. I used to have one. However, a camera, a phone, a book, a notebook, a kikay kit, an umbrella, a fan and a wallet crowd my bag so I decided to give up the wallet. But I want to have one again because I miss carrying pictures of my loved ones neatly organized in a wallet. If only for the pictures, not necessarily for the cash, I want a wallet again.

11. External hard drive

– because I want to have a copy of all the movies, series, e-books my friends recommend and I am too lazy and un-techy to download them myself. I want to pass around the memory device and ask them to transfer whatever they’ve got. I must mention that I am truly grateful to be born in this Information Age where all things can be passed around digitally.

12. Spiritual readings

– because I have faith in God and I grew up in a spiritual environment. I do have spiritual struggles and warfare. Therefore, my spirituality needs to be nurtured.

13. Scrapbook materials

– because I <3 handcrafting and scrapbooking and all sorts of activities for domesticated women of the past. They are therapeutic. I must remind myself to learn sewing, cross-stitching and embroidering. These activities are more therapeutic than going to salons and spas which modern women of today patronize to create an illusion of luxurious lifestyle. Weh!

14. Movie marathon date

– it has to be themed: classic Filipino, Russian, German, War films,  etc. Pizza, nachos, ice cream, and maybe a little booze or wine must be available for an enjoyable home date. (Oh please, “date” doesn’t have to be romantic)

15. Journal notebooks

– I can never have enough notebooks. Most of my writing is still brewed and drafted manually. I need notebooks for my favorite quotes, movie list, book list, shopping & grocery list, office meetings, personal thoughts, journals, daily scribbles, word of the day, travels, conferences. To be honest, I just really want to collect notebooks. So if you happen to go to Japan, Thailand, Germany, or wherever, can you please do me a favor of buying a notebook from that side of the world? Thank you.

16. If These Walls Could Talk! (Tour of Intramuros)

– Yez, this is one of Carlos Celdran’s tours. Cultural immersion is always the way to go, at least, for me. There’s so much I need to learn from our country before exploring/traveling offshore  (check out http://celdrantours.blogspot.com/ for details).

17. Bookstand

– because I want to read comfortably especially when in bed. I want one of those wooden ones. Medium size please so I could bring it in my travels.

18. Little Women musical

– this is running in Greenbelt until Dec 12. As a child, I loved the cartoon series and read the book when I was in high school. Jo is one of my favorite literary characters. (for details, pls. visit http://www.repertory.ph/)

19. Complete episodes of Flash Forward

– four episodes were randomly transferred in my laptop by a friend. I only got to watch it recently. I couldn’t wait to gorge the complete episodes.

20. Dangling/Drop earrings

– because earrings is my favorite accessory. Especially fake ones.

21. Scented oils, scented gels, sprays for the room or home in general

– because I want our place to burst with fragrance. Check out a wide array of scents collection in http://www.glade.com/.

22. Drapes/curtains, home accessories, and the like

– because I want to revamp our place and see if I have been gifted with interior designing skills. Nyaha.

23. Memory box(es)

– my cabinet at home is teeming with letters and cards from friends, suitors, relatives, classmates back in the days when sms and emails are not widely used. My sister/bestfriend and I exchanged letters up until my sophomore years in UP Baguio. I miss the traditional way of writing letters. Anyway, there are beautiful memory boxes in Papemelroti shops.

24. Basket of goodies

– because ’tis the season for gastronomic indulgence. Pastries, cookies, chocolates, fruits, coffee pack, healthy snacks etc. never fail to delight me.

25. 46-inch flat screen TV complete with high-end speakers

– because I want to experience ultimate viewing experience on a daily basis. ( I am not expecting anyone to make patol this one. eeww, coño much! hahah)

P. S.

This is an incredibly fun activity. My spirit is bouncing, tumbling in glee.

I hope my dearest friends & favorite people will  post their wish lists too, so I can do the pleasure of making one of their wishes come true.

Don’t worry honey, you won’t suffer from heart attack after reading this. :D

Note: I am trying to be more open on-line. I might post some more entries from my manual journal unprotected. But I must still do it with caution. Personal blogs are highly prone to misinterpretations because of limited context available to reader exacerbated by mismatch of repertoire. Yada, yada, yada. I am giving a totally unrelated prelude here.

Date written: 31 October 2010

Date of the event: 29 October, 2010

There was a queue of papers on my workdesk that needed immediate action. The night before, I watched Devil Wears Prada for the nth time to get some inspiration on how to finish the following day’s queue of reports I needed to comment on. So I pretended to be Andrea Sachs and imagined my boss to be Miranda Priestly so I would be compelled to work at the speed of light and make it to the Korean Filmfest on time.

It was almost 5PM when Alex decided to cancel our movie date and invited me for coffee or dinner instead. I was willing to be the victim of any friend’s spontaneity because it was a Friday night, not to mention that it would be the start of a long weekend. The Italian restaurant I picked was already congested. Alex picked Mary Grace, a restaurant that had gotten my attention several times but never actually tried. It’s not located in the balcony and far from the queue of restaurants so I always forget it during pick-a-resto-scenarios.

Mary Grace. The kind of restaurant where you can take/kidnap me for dinner.

Anyway, so there, at long last, I was finally entering the restaurant that I always gaze at from a distance, like a long time crush being introduced to me for the first time. The table was a delightful sight,  letters in pretty stationeries underneath glass surface give it a sentimental aura. Hand-painted bottles, mini ceramic pots, and books decorate its wooden shelves. Classical music is being played on the background. All of the aforementioned combined, Mary Grace can be considered the restaurant version of Papemelroti, my favorite paper shop.

We studied the menu longer than necessary (again, more options mean greater probability for indecisiveness). We ended up ordering a default and ever safe choice, pasta — Alex had sardines-someting pasta, I had my favorite carbonara.

Alex was spewing comments, observations, and stories while actually finishing her food on time. I was too engrossed with our conversation that my eating pace was almost at a halt. The dinner lasted for 2 hours or so.

I share Alex’s passionate loathing for so many forms of pop culture. We talked about the quality of programs and ads of the Philippine TV, our hatred for Willie R., the kind of people who frequent Starbucks. We brainstormed about our plans for the book club we want to establish. We vented our accumulated, pent up [critical] commentaries on different scenarios in this forlorn country.

We roamed the mall to check out stuff  that delights us then headed to The Block, where Kath and Noel were hanging out. On our way, we talked about the kinds of guys we dated. After enumerating her exes, Alex mentioned that she’s always the one to walk away and that, wavelength, for her, is a primary qualifier in choosing/considering a potential date. I mentioned that I dated bad men (they didn’t appear to be one on the surface level), some seemingly worthy of rehabilitation centers, like I have a talent for attracting them. rar. (Of course, I have learned my lessons well.)

Fast forward to Bubble Tea in SM-The Block. Kath and Noel were already enjoying their milk teas when we got there. We ordered no other than milk tea too, specifically, Royal Milk Tea. It was a rather wholesome way to spend Friday for yuppies like us who are expected to be drinking alcohol instead of healthy drinks at the beginning of a long weekend. Kath introduced her boyfriend, Noel (Alex provided me with a backgrounder before the formal introductions, of course). She asked me to read the halloween-themed latest blog entry of Noel. Kath is blessed to have found someone of the same wavelength as hers, I thought to myself.

They talked about tikbalang, undin, etc, which peppered the conversation with Halloween themes. I did not contribute any on that specific topic ’cause I am not a fan of Halloween. Thus, I have no  fascination with Halloween characters (when I was a child, yes). Kath lamented that The Social Network is a feel bad movie and provided me the gist of the same. In between, I asked the classic “How did you meet?” question, which they shared with gusto (I do not have authority to share their story here, of course).

When it was time to go home, they walked me to the FX terminal. Making hatid is an SOP of the Leomo’s, I supposed. Kath used to walk me all the way to BREHA back in college. At the terminal, Kath uttered the remarkable dating advice: “Open up yourself to strangers”. We teased her that it sounds Coehlo-ish considering that we are not fond (bordering on dislike) of the “inspirational” genre.